Paging Dr Freud
by Miffles
Summary: Jack forces Lock, Shock, and Barrel to see a psychiatrist.
1. off we go!

Summary: Jack forces Lock, Shock, and Barrel to see a psychiatrist.

Disclaimer: I own nothing…awww.

Reviews: Just don't use flames. I'm not supposed to play with fire after "the incident."

Chapter Uno    

"Will you just get in the car?!" Jack Skellington bellowed as he tried (in vain) to force the last of the Boogie Boys into his hearse. "NO!" Lock cried. "I refuse to go see that shrink! I…" Jack almost had him in the car. "Don't have…"

Lock kicked Jack's ribcage. "ISSUES!" As the skeleton doubled-over in pain, the little devil ran for it but was quickly caught by Sally. 

            "In you go," she said as she stuffed him in next to Shock and Barrel. Lock mimicked his siblings and crossed his arms over his chest. He glared. 

"Why does Jack think we need a head doctor anyway?" Barrel asked to no one in particular.

Shock used her best Skellington voice, "Because we bicker so much…"

Lock concluded, "That we are on the verge of killing each other."

Barrel uncrossed his arms and stared blankly. "Oh yeah…"

The Pumpkin King got in the hearse and drove through the gates of Halloweenland. He stuck his head out the window and yelled to Sally, "Take care of Zero while I'm gone!" Then they were off to Mental Health Town.


	2. Confrontations

Dr. Freud sat at his desk writing up prescriptions. The intercom came on.

"Dr. Freud?"

"Yes, Miss Hilling?"

"Your four o'clock is here."

"Thank you. Send them in."

Yelling and swearing could be heard outside of Dr. Freud's office door. A skeleton burst in holding three lashing and yelling children in trick-or-treat outfits under his arms.

"You stink!"

"You stink!"

"You both stink!"

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU!"  
"YOU!"  
"YOU!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" Jack yelled in a high-pitched voice. He threw them on the couch and bolted out of the door. He quickly turned around and hollered to the doctor, "THEY'RE ALL YOURS!" Then he slammed the door.

            All Dr. Freud could do was watch as Lock and Shock got into an all-out verbal and slapping brawl. Barrel merely sat where Jack had put him and rooted for whoever was winning.

            "You're dress is ugly!" SLAP!

            "Red makes you look fat!" SLAP!

            "You couldn't carry a tune if your life depended on it!" SLAP!

            "You one to talk devil-boy!" SLAP!

            "Your mouth doesn't stay in sync with your dialogue!" SLAP!

            "OH YEAH?" SLAP!

            "YEAH!" SLAP! 

            "Weeell! At least my voice actor wasn't number thirty-seven on E!'s 101 Most Shocking Moments In Entertainment!"

            Lock withdrew and gasped, as did Barrel. The devil-boy looked her in the eye. "You swore you'd never bring that up again!"

            Shock pranced around the room. "THIRTY-SEVEN! THIRTY-SEVEN! THIRTY-SEVEN!"

            Lock lunged at her. Dr. Freud caught him in mid-air and virtually saved Shock's life. He looked to each of the Boogie Boys. "Why don't we have a little chat?"


	3. Barrel's Memory and Chaos

AN: Dudes and dudettes, I am so sorry for the wait. School and writer's block are not a good mix. I also wanted you to know that my chapters tend to be a little short…in case you haven't noticed. Oh and the voice-actor joke thing. Paul Reubens voiced Lock and Paul got in a little trouble a little while back for doing something bad in an adult theater. But I like him still! Pee Wee rules! On with the chapter!

************************************************************************

            "Now, let's start from the time you three were born. Barrel, why don't you tell me the first memory you have of Lock and Shock?" It took Dr. Freud thirteen minutes but he finally got the three to sit still. 

Barrel shrugged. "I guess it would be when Shock made our rabies-infected bat, Mucus, bite me."

Shock let out a nose giggle. "Those were good times."

Lock looked puzzled. "Where was I when this happened?"

"You were putting mosquito larva in Barrel's clothes."

Lock let out a nose giggle. "Those were good times."

By this time the skeletal boy was blood-red and ready to kill his siblings. "I had those bites for a month…and rabies!"

Lock and Shock let out nose giggles then burst out laughing. "Those were freaking' good times! HAHA!" 

"Thirty-seven Lock!" cried Barrel in triumph.

"Again! That's not funny anymore!" lock exclaimed in pain.

"Yes it is," quipped Shock. "There are three things that never get old: Squirrels, faking insanity, and Paul Reubens jokes. That's just the way it is."

"Weren't we talking about me, Dr. Freud?"

Dr. Freud looked to Barrel. "I believe we were."

Barrel sighed. "Lock and Shock never pay attention to me…."

"Yes we do!"

"No we don't!" At that the fight between Shock and Lock re-ensued.

The doctor looked to Barrel, then Lock and Shock on the floor, then back to Barrel. He let out an exasperated "hah!" "Don't make me give you to tranquilizers!" shouted he to the witch and devil boy. They stopped fighting and looked to the doctor. 

"You wouldn't dare…." The two quarrelers glared. 

"Oh yes I would," Dr. Freud said sing-songly.

Barrel grinned broadly. The other two glared…again.


	4. the session's end

AN UPDATE!!!YAY!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

            The boogie boys were all in a wrestling match on the floor. Dr. Freud was becoming mucho-pissed. 

            "That's it!" The trio looked up at the perturbed doctor, who was now standing and pointing to the door. "GET…OUT!!!"

            "Sheesh…you're right up there with Jack," Lock murmured.

            Lock, Shock, and Barrel got up and left the office of a **_very _**unhappy Dr. Freud. They went into the waiting room and found Jack Skellington…waiting.

            "That was fast…" Jack said with a hint of suspicion.

            "We worked—" Lock

            "Our problems—" Shock

            "Out fast." Barrel.

            "You lie." Said jack quickly.

            "You're gooood," the three replied in unison.

            Jack sighed. "I don't even want to know."

            Shock patted his spinal cord. "It's better that way."

            And so, the four filed out of the office, one by one, and got into the Pumpkin King's hearse.

A/N: Hope you like it! I'm expecting to have a crap load of updates within the next week. I have all my new chapters written in a folder. I just haven't had enough time to type. ESC-A-LATOR!  


	5. Skellington Mannor

A/N: YOU LOVE MY STORY!!! Thanks to all who reviewed! *passes out Tim Burton and Danny Elfman clones* On with the story!

            The phone rang downstairs and the ruler of Halloween Town quickly ran down the narrow flight, skipping three steps at a time in his hurry. "It's about time he called…." Jack was in such a rush that he ran right through Zero and slipped on what he _thought _was a squeaky toy. He fell to the ground, hit his head, and was knocked out. When he regained consciousness, the first thing Skellington saw was his beloved Sally sewing her arm back on; it had a small shoe indentation in it. She smiled at her fiancée on the floor (that's right oh-ye-of-little-faith, her fiancée) and told him, "That was Dr. Freud. He would like you to schedule separate appointments for "the little sons of guns" from now on."

            "Gee, I wonder why," Jack replied in a voice that was so sarcastic that even the Grand Duke of Sarcastic-Land would have said, "Wow! That is sarcastic!"

            "I'll get one for Lock first," Jack spoke out loud to no one in particular. "He seems to have more…bizarre mental strands of thought." Jack got up and looked sally's arm. "Sorry, sweetie pie. Huh, I wondered why it didn't squeak…."


	6. Freud vs Lock p1

A/N: I can't write for Lock that well so I'm going to only spend about two chapters on his appointment. K? Good.

Disclaimers: Don't own NMBC, Fat Bastard, Almond Joy, or any of the NMBC characters……………damn.

"Welcome back, Lock." Dr. Freud was pleased with Jack's idea of using straightjackets to control the children.

Lock sneered. "Mmmhhnneeeugh…."

"Now, we talked about your brother at the first session. How's your relationship with him?"

"It's fine."

"Could you give me a little more detail?"

"We treat each other equally."

"How so?"

"I stab his leg with a harpoon; he stabs my leg with a harpoon. You know, that old 'Almond Joy.'"

"I see. Are you two always so, well, violent?"

"Oh no! We do way better than that! We almost died of massive blood loss once," Lock said with a hint of pride.

"Are you a generally angry person, Lock?"

"Maybe," he said like Fat Bastard©.

Dr. Freud sighed. "I guess we get to venture into your sick, twisted little mind to get to the root of your anger now."

Lock leaned against the back of the couch. "This should be fun."

The doctor sat in a chair near the sofa and began to take notes. Lock lay on the far side of the couch facing Freud.

Freud looked to lock. "Comfy?"

"I" Lock stopped at that.

"Why did you cease speaking?"

"Oh, I'm used to Shock and Barrel finishing my sentences. Anyway, yeah, I'm good, well, actually I'm bad, but I feel god on the couch, but I'm a bad-ass, but the couch is comfy, but I'm still—oh crap I've gone cross-eyed."

"Whatever dude. Now, why don't you tell me the first memory you have of your siblings?"

Lock sighed. "I remember back to when us three were just quick sketches on scrap-paper for Tim to show to Danny as character samples so he could have more inspiration to write the soundtrack. Excuse me." A small whimper escaped Lock.

Freud stared and blinked. "…………."


	7. Freud vs Lock p2

(A/N: OMG!!! I haven't updated in over a year! I'm sooooooooooo sorry! Well, as promised, this chapter shall bring Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Danny Elfman, (all three OOC) and Kingdom Hearts goodness! Here We GO!!!!!!!!! (Oh, I still don't own any of this...yet.))

In Dr. Freud's office:

"Timmy never loved me!" Lock had been speaking for what seemed like a year. He was in tears and rolling on Dr. Freud's carpet. The poor doctor had a severe stubble problem and bags under his eyes that could have been made into kilts.

The good doctor then got an idea. Between Lock's sobs, he managed to shout. "That's it! That's the source of your problems boy! Your creator never loved you!" Dr. Freud did a happy dance on his desk. He picked up Lock and hugged him. "You can FINALLY leave!"

"But, we're just starting to figure ou-"

"YOU'RE FINE NOW!" The doctor tossed Lock outside and Jack caught him. The Pumpkin King looked at the devil-boy. "What took so long? I managed to wreak havoc on Hanukah, Easter, and Kwanza while you were in there."

"Well, we covered many things." Lock looked to calm to be sane. He quickly snapped out of his peaceful stupor. "Kill the wee ones!"

Jack sighed, and he and Lock got into the hearse. They then left Mental Health Town for Halloween Town.

Meanwhile, back at the Boogey Boys' tree house...

"Curse you Heartless!" Poor Tim Burton. He had been playing Kingdom Hearts for the past two days, and he still couldn't get past the Tarzan level. Johnny Depp was sitting behind him as a backseat player.

"No, Tim, you need to kill the giant chameleon, and THEN kill Clayton." Johnny did his best to direct Tim through the game.

"HEY!" Tim looked indignant. Danny Elfman had been bear-trap patty-cake with Shock and Barrel while this whole ordeal was going on. He did his best to ignore them but then just had to say something. "Tim, it's my turn next time you die!"

"Nah ah!" Shock shrieked. "It's my turn!" Barrel decided to stay out of the argument this time; he had to let his hands heal from bear-trap patty-cake.

"I'm not going to die again Danny."

"Yes you are."

"How do you know?"

Shock looked at the TV screen. "You just got killed by one of those freaky monkey thingies. HAHAHAAAEEEHHEEE!" Shock and Danny lunged for the game controller. Johnny sat on the ground next to Barrel.

"SO, how do you play bear-trap patty-cake" Johnny asked innocently. Barrel grinned the creepy grin he inherited from Danny.

Jack and Lock pulled up by the tree house and Lock went on up in the make-shift elevator. Upon his arrival, everyone looked at the long-lost boy.

"How'd it go," Shock asked. She obviously didn't care; for she was plotting a way to kill Danny since he got to the game controller before she did.

Before Lock could answer, a loud "ARRRRRRRRGH!" could be heard in the corner of the tree house from Johnny. "I didn't think claymation bear-traps would hurt this much!" Barrel cackled and Tim helped Johnny pry his hands from the trap.

"Well, my oh-so twisted sister," Lock said as he began to sharpen a dagger, "I feel as thogh I worked out a lot of issues." As he finished his sentence, he hurled the dagger at Shock's head. Jack had snuck in at some point, like the sneaky sneaker he was, and caught the knife before it killed Shock. Jack just gave Lock an evil look and began to leave. Before he descended the tree house,, he shouted to Shock.

"Oh, Shock! Your appointment's next!" He hopped in his hearse and drove back to his mansion. Lock, Barrel, Danny, Johnny, and Tim pointed and laughed at Shock.

Lock, Barrel, Danny, Johnny, and Tim spent the next hour running all over town from Shock and her many spears of pointy doom.

(A/N: Hope you like it! Review if you want. It might not be as good as the other six though! Sorry!)


	8. Shock vs Freud p1:The flames of love

(A/N: Some may be a bit OOC…SORRY!)

"NO! NO! NO!" Jack tried his best to force Shock into the hearse, but he was failing miserably, and she would not be quiet. "I'm not crazy!"

"I beg to differ!" Jack was exhausted from the constant driving and yelling and wedding planning, but he was determined to make at least ONE Boogey Boy sane.

"If you don't make me go," Shock haggled as Jack forced her in the car, "I'll tell you how to get to St. Patrick's Day Land!" Jack eased up a bit, and he took the bait.

"Another holiday?" He pondered aloud. Shock nodded and then bolted from the spot. "GET BACK HERE!"

"NEVER! EEEEEEheeeheeeeheeee!" Shock snickered and cackled as she made the skeletal figure chase her. But, finally, Jack caught her, and she was shoved into the car. Zero barked as they drove away to Mental Health Town.

At Dr. Freud's office….

"Doctor?" The voice on the intercom was high and squeaky.

"Yes Miss Hilling?" Poor guy, he could feel the death enveloping him as his receptionist spoke.

"Your four o'clock is here."

"Oh dear god no…." Shock could be heard making a fuss in the waiting room. She was apparently yelling at some intern.

"You call this water?!? I've had better-tasting stuff from sewage systems!" Jack tried to be gentle, but literally through Shock onto the couch.

Jack leaned over to Freud and whispered, "I'm so very, very sorry." He left the office and Dr. Freud got out the straight jacket, but Shock incinerated it with her handy-dandy blowtorch (which happened to be concealed in her hat…WTF?). Dr. Freud just jumped behind his desk.

Shock's mouth curved into a smile and she cackled. "I'm baaaAAAACK!" The doctor gulped and got his tazer ready. He sat on a chair opposite of Shock and took out his notepad.

"Welcome back, Shock. How've you been?" He did his best to remain calm, and another freakish moment of his life began.

"'How have I been?'" She shook a bit. "'HOW HAVE I BEEN?'" Shock's face turned eight shades of red, and she stood on the couch. She took in a deep breath and looked like she was going to explode. Freud made a very frightened face. "I'VE BEEN MISERABLE! OH! Never mind…" The witch girl sat back down in her seat.

"Shock, what's bothering you?"

"Well, there's…this…………guy." She was a bit flighty at the moment.

"Oh! I see."

"See what! There's nothing to see I'm not a freaking' experiment…anymore." Shock was very frustrated.

"Shock, you don't have to be ashamed." The doctor sounded very caring for once. "There's nothing wrong with having a crush on a-"

"IT'S NOT A CRUSH!" Shock jumped up and grabbed the doctor's shirt collar. "Wusses have crushes! This is true love!" She was spitting on Freud's face as she yelled. "TRUE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!"

"Uh…"

Shock pulled the handy-dandy blowtorch back out and torched the curtains. Freud ran for his dear life out of the room.

**Intermission **Get some popcorn. Go potty. Feed the pets. Pick your little sister up from school. By the way, I like those new jeans you're wearing.

(A/N: Thanks to Nightmare1 for the concealed weapon idea and JigenZLuvTears for the cru-

_Shock pulls out handy-dandy blowtorch_ "IT'S TRUE LOOOVE!"

_Me_: "Oh dear god!")


	9. Shock vs Freud p2: The Hilling is alive ...

**Intermission over **

"Um, Doctor?" Miss Hilling was quite alarmed to see her employer running out of his office. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Freud shot her a nasty look. "Are you a certified therapist?" His voice was so sour that even the ruler of Lemon Land would've said, "WOW! THAT is SOUR!"

"Why," Miss Hilling stood up. "As a matter of fact I am." She stood up and pulled several diplomas out of her desk. She gave them to the doctor and he gawked.

The doctor said, "Wow, I don't have most of these!" At that, the receptionist rolled her eyes and headed into Freud's office.

Freud sat down beside Jack on the couch and sighed. "Am I a good doctor?"

"I think you're the best doctor ever! You've sat through more sessions with any of the Boogie Boys than is inhumanly possible. You got Lock to open up, and while after he did he immediately closed back up like a rat trap, that's more than anyone had done before." Jack sat up and patted the doctor on the back. "I think you deserve a cookie." The skeletal figure reached into his pocket and pulled out a gingerbread man. The doctor unenthusiastically accepted the sugary treat.

**In the Doctor's office….**

Lock's handy-dandy blowtorch had run out of fuel, and she was sitting amongst the flames. "TEEHEE caahaaaaa!" Miss Hilling then entered. The flames died, and a little funeral was held. Shock was weaping lightly.

"I know you didn't know the little flames, Miss Hilling, but it means so much that you came!" Shock blew her nose and then sat back on the couch, forming a diabolical plan in her head, or maybe just thinking about the next town song rehearsal date.

"Shock, I think I can understand what you're going through with this new cru" Miss Hilling changed her course of words when Shock formed fists. "True love." Shock lightened up a bit. "That's better. Now, Shock, who is he?"

"Hmmm." Shock sighed. "He's the dreamiest thing to ever happen to stop-motion animation."

"And his name is…?"

"If I tell you" Shock got off the couch and yanked the secretary's arm so that they were level at the eye. "You must swear to never tell a single living or dead soul for as long as you speak!" Her face was red with anger.

"Deal."

"Alright…." Shock loosened her grip and went back to her couch. She muttered, "I lykse ksn."

"What?"

"I said I like"

Oh, sorry. My computer's freezing up. Give me a bit to work on it.


	10. Shock vs Freud p3: A colorful twist

A/N: Got it! New computer and the works. Time for a lovely update. (Oh ye of little faith! Did ye honestly think I would have forgotten you, the gentle reader, with all of the constant demanding reviews?)

The tension was growing. Shock was about to spill the beans. Would her "true love" be the skeletal king of Halloween land? Would it be the jolly ruler of Christmas Town? The two-faced mayor? Oogie Boogie? The Behemoth? Vampire number 1, 2, or 3? Would it be one of the children in the Christmas montage? An elf? Dr. Finkelstein? Igor? The wolf-man? The Clown with the tear-away face? The one hiding under your bed? The one hiding under your stairs? The 'Who' when you call 'Who's there?'" The shadow on the moon at night? A random ghost? Vincent Maloy? One of the skeletons hanging from the tree? The Grim Reaper? Someone else the author is just pulling out of left field? Or would it be-

Readers- "Just write the freaking story!"

Me- "Okay…."

"Alright! Fine!" Shock jumped up and began dancing around the room as she practically sang her praise. "I love Harlequin! I LOVE him! I'm head-over-heels-to-the-moon-and-back-kill-anyone-who-stands-in-my-way IN LOVE! I love Harlequin!" She began panting and looked like she was going to pass out. "Are…..you…..happy…..now?"

Miss Hilling took a few moments to digest the newly divulged information. "Yes, Shock. I'm sure you are too. Now," her voice was calm and soothing. "Have a seat." The witch girl sat on the sofa and played with a strand of her stringy hair. She just sighed and began to mumble incoherently. "Look, does Harlequin know how you feel about him?"

"Sort of…." She grinned.

"What do you mean by 'sort of?'"

"Weeeeell," a cackle escaped her mouth. "I've been sending him notes…and pictures I drew for him…and strands of hair from my hat…and bits of cloth from a blanket I stole from his bed one day while he was on vacation...and I trained his parrot to sing 'We Close Our Eyes.' I think he gets the id-"

"Wait wait wait wait." Miss Hilling leaned forward a bit. "You've stolen from him. The notes, drawing. Shock, I hate to tell you this, but you're not in love. You're a stalker."

Shock just stared at the woman thoughtfully. "I think I see where you're coming from, but trust me! This IS love. I'm not a stalker. I'm not quiet enough to stalk."

"Trust me. The last girl like you I talked to was 'in love' with was 'in love' with Benicio Del Toro. That didn't fare so well."

"Well, so what if I'm a stalker? That's Harlequin's problem, not mine."

"Another thing, Shock. I think he's a little….you know….'colorful.'"

"What?"

"I mean, I think he doesn't like Dos Equis."

"Of course he doesn't drink, we live in a PG area."

"No. I mean…." She tried to think of a nice way to put it. "He's a bit of a fairy."

"No, I'm pretty sure he's just a monster-"

"He's gay!" Miss Hilling was sick of hinting.

"No way!" Shock looked shocked. (Pardon the pun.) "He's as straight as a toothpick! He's just a fan of color and decoupage and fashion and-and-and….oh crap."

"Sad but true, girl. The good ones are always gay or taken. But look on the bright side, now you have no reason to stalk Harlequin."

"Yes I dooooooo." Her grin was, in a word, "disturbing."

"You know, we're going to have to work on-oops! Times up!" She stood up and extended her hand to Shock, who then proceeded to flip the woman over her shoulder and across the room in a very 'Karate Kid' manner. Miss Hilling wobbled up and opened the door.

Once in the waiting room, the patient and secretary found Jack and Freud watching 'Golden Girl's re-runs on the television miss Hilling kept concealed under her desk. Jack let out uproarious laughter. "Oh, that Sofia! She is SUCH a spicy old woman!" Freud just stared blankly at him and got up at the sight of Shock and Hilling.

"Ah," Freud smiled victoriously. "Not so easy is it, Miss Know-It-All-Smarty-Pants?"

"Actually she did a better job than you did." Shock grinned and skipped out to the car.

Hilling smiled and resumed her seat at the desk.

"Well, thank you both very much. You two have been such a great help thus far. I'll bring Barrel in next week."

Dr. Freud nodded and spoke up quickly as Jack turned to leave. "Um, Mr. Skellington, there's still the matter of your payment. You see, Shock and Lock's appointments have yet to be paid for and the first-"

"Yes, thank you very much Dr. Freud. I have to get going now!" Jack ran down to the hearse. He got in, revved up the engine, and OFF he and Shock were to Halloween Town.


	11. Chapter 11: Transition

(A/N: Sorry for the delay. Remember that little conversation we had a while ago about how I have a life? Yeah. That still applies.)

SUDDENLY!

Jack dropped Shock off at the Tree House. The little witch got in the rickety old elevator and ascended to meet up with her brothers. When she arrived, she found Director Kevin Smith tied to a chair and gagged. She looked puzzled for only a moment, but soon cackled.

"WONDERFUL!" She ran and jumped on top of his head. Seeing as how she was made from synthetic materials, this did not hurt Director Kevin Smith. He just sighed a little and looked to his left, where Barrel and Lock were playing 'Jak And Daxter'. Shock sighed and bounded over two them.

She lifted up the PS2 and hit them both on the head before they had a chance to respond. "You twits! You fools! You morons! You have a perfectly good torture victim, and you just sit around like bumps on a log and play video games till the black cats come home!"

Lock and Barrel cowered in the corner. "W-w-w-we were gonna hurt him…" said Barrel.

"Yeah, and besides, Shock," Lock stood up and clenched his fists. "WHo are you to tell what to and not to do?" He glared.

"Why you little!" She lunged at him. He lunged at her. Director Kevin Smith scooted away from them.

Barrel watched and laughed. "You two look like a lot of unleashed insanity, that's for sure!" He cackled and rolled around, trying not to cry from laughter. Lock and Shock did a quick paused, looked at the skeletal boy, and created a small dog pile on him. They fought through the night.


	12. Chapter 12: Are you happy now?

(A/N: Wow. Okay. I feel up to writing now….hm….how to make this up to your prickish standards…..)

Jack drove the hearse along into Mental Health Town. Barrel sat in the back seat, watching as the musical number began.

__

Boys and girls if you're deranged/

If people tell you that you are strange/

Come along to Mental Health Town

We have just the cure for you.

We have German doctors with nice notebooks/

Singing angels and Russian cooks.

Come along to this little land/

Where sanity is far from hand.

Step inside, look around.

Enjoy our topsey-turvey playground.

Dance with a demonic old clown,

Come on now, it's your cue.

Barrel dragged his feet on the floor as he followed Jack into the office.

Miss Hilling called over the intercom. "Dr. Freud?"

No response.

"Excuse me, Dr. Freud?" Barrel and Jack sat down.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMAN!" Freud's voice was shrill and full of tension.

"Um…sir, the last one is here to see you."

"HALLEJUHAH! Send him in." The door opened and the sight of the doctor was less than appealing. Disheveled hair, a three month old beard, broken glasses, a broken arm from when he…..fell down the stairs. Yes. Stairs…..heheheheh.

Barrel shuffled into the doctor's office and the door was shut. This boy was so disheartened and depressed at the moment that he did not need a straightjacket.

Freud sat in the chair across from the boy and took a few aspirin. Signs of his siblings remained in the office. "Barrel, please, tell me, what's wrong?"

A small sniffle. "I don't want to talk about it."

A small sigh. "Barrel, come now. You can tell me anything. Is it creator issues?"

"No…"

"Parental?"

"No…."

"Do you have a crush on someone?"

"No….."

"Well then, come on my boy, out with it!" A bit of shouting, apparently he was on his wit's end and in no mood for the guessing game.

"FINE!" A small choke back of tears. "It's just that….I think Jack is trying to kill me."

"Barrel, that's not true. Jack would not harm a fly. He's perfectly sane." He leaned forward in concern. The kid was calm, therefore tolerable.

"No! You don't know him like I do!" Barrel jumped up and onto the floor. "He's crazy! Crazy as a fox!"

"Barrel, calm-"

"I AM CALM!" He begins to shiver and sweat. "Are you hot? I'm hot. It is very hot in here. GAH! Turn on the AC!" He leaped behind the couch and poked his head over the back. "Make it coooooold." His voice was thin and hissy and his eyes darted around the room.

"Look here, Barrel, you need to-"

"He's crazy!" Barrel pointed towards the door.

"Jack is perfectly sane, and he possesses absolutely no capacity for homicide."

SUDDENLY! A shrill cry is heard from behind the door, then the sound of a body falling to the ground. Freud and Barrel leap up and look outside. They find Miss Hilling on the ground, dead. A few feet away from her……..Jack Skellington. Covered with the stench of death.

"I TOLD YOU FREUD!"

To be continued at the author's will.


	13. Blah blah blah

PREVIOUSLY:

"I AM CALM!" He begins to shiver and sweat. "Are you hot? I'm hot. It is very hot in here. GAH! Turn on the AC!" He leaped behind the couch and poked his head over the back. "Make it coooooold." His voice was thin and hissy and his eyes darted around the room.

"Look here, Barrel, you need to-"

"He's crazy!" Barrel pointed towards the door.

"Jack is perfectly sane, and he possesses absolutely no capacity for homicide."

SUDDENLY! A shrill cry is heard from behind the door, then the sound of a body falling to the ground. Freud and Barrel leap up and look outside. They find Miss Hilling on the ground, dead. A few feet away from her……..Jack Skellington. Covered with the stench of death.

"I TOLD YOU FREUD!"

NOW:

Jack looks to the doctor and the boy with a perplexed look on his face. Why are they looking at him like that? Why is Barrel shivering? Why is Miss Hilling on the floor? Why is Freud drinking from a flask he had concealed in his pocket. "What's going on?"

Barrel almost leaps into the air. "What do you THINK is going on? YOU just killed Miss Hilling!" He jumps behind Freud's legs for pseudo-protection. "I told you! I told you he was crazy!"

Freud backs up and speaks with a quivering voice, "Jack…just stay calm."

"SURELY you don't think I killed her, do you? Do you?" he asks as Freud and Barrel exchange wary glances.

"I mean, in all honesty, who else could have done it, Jack?" asks Freud.

"Well….I'm not sure." Jack shrugs a bit.

"You two were alone! HE'S THE KILLER! I KNOW IT!" Barrel points at Jack and begins to shake all over.

"I am NOT the killer!"

"But you wreak of death!" cries Barrel.

"OF COURSE I DO! I'M A SKELETON!" Jack is now starting to get pissed. He approaches Freud and Barrel, who back up against the wall and shiver with fear. Jack bends to their level and speaks softly. "If I tell you, do you swear you will calm down and keep it a secret?"

"Now, Mr. Skellington" begins Dr. Freud. "I don't think murder is exactly something you can keep a secre-"

Jack cuts him off. "Swear to it!" At that, the quivering and shivering doctor and patient nodded. "Alright. The killer was-" A merry little polyphonic tune goes off. "Oh, Barrel! Time for us to go!" Jack takes a reluctant Barrel by the hand and drags him out to the hearse, leaving Dr. Freud to deal with the dead Miss Hilling.

THEN:

The ride back to Halloween Town is quite quiet and awkward. Barrel is just trying to not look at Jack, convinced that the skeletal leader can read the fear on his face. Jack, however, is trying to avoid going off the cliff, which is inconveniently located between Mental Health Town and Schoolhouse Rock Land, where Jack has to take a detour through in order to avoid the traffic heading to Halloween Town, which consists of mainly fan girls that somehow got warped into the world of the Nightmare Before Christmas, be it via dimensional rip or magic television or cursed video tape or some other infinitely improbable gateway.

"So, Barrel, do you think-"

"Please don't hurt me!" That is the only exchange of conversation the entire ride.

LATER:

((Okay, I can't think of an ending.))


	14. The Short Finale

'Twas a lovely night in the land of Halloween. Owls hooted…..crows cawed…..

Sally began cooking meatloaf, a food Jack had been craving; after all, it was a rare delicacy in the land of Halloween. Jack sat at the table, listening to the news. He found it to be quite dull. Apparently the slew of Mary Sue killings were actually just the idiotic girls spontaneously combusting from being overjoyed. They would arrive in Halloween Town, see Jack or hear his singing voice, and just implode on the spot. Ridiculous? Yes. Implausible? Yes. Does anyone REALLY care? That's debatable.

MEANWHILE:

In the Treehouse lived the Boogie Boys, asleep in their beds. The Devil boy dreamt of destruction and chaos, unleashing his anger upon the world. The Witch girl had thoughts of stalking Harlequinn, and wondered when her little "gift" would get to him. And Barrel did not sleep at all, afraid that Jack would kill him.

ALSO:

Freud checked into his own asylum, driven mad from working with those last few patients. He was able to diagnose himself, but he remained a patient for everyone else's sanity. Ms. Hilling appeared as a ghost in Halloween Town, and was glad to be out of Mental Health Town. As it turned out, Jack hadn't killed her. She merely had a sudden heart attack brought on after eating some candy sent to her from "her secret admirer."

And, as for Tim Burton, Danny Elfman, and Johnny Depp….they sued Miffles for writing such horrible fan fiction.

And they all lived happily ever after, except for the writer, who is ready for flames.

The End

That's it. I'm done. Finished through. Don't like the way it ends? I'm sorry. But you have to understand, you can lose the touch on a story after four years. And, if you want to write a fanfiction about my fanfiction, feel free. Wanna rant? Be my guest. All I have to say is thanks for sticking through the awesome chapters and the horrid ones. bows


End file.
